Stoves

Today I want to write about stoves. Now, I'm not talking about today's fancy, triple burner, double oven, air fryer, run from your smartphone type of stove. I want to take you back to the early days of stove technology. You may have had one as a young spry chicken in your families first home. An old, white, stove with those full turn dials. The word digital isn't even in its vocabulary, no warnings or signals of when things are on/off, and that weird shelf on the bottom that you never knew was actually a broiler and not just a drawer for your pots and pans. Let's talk.

I want to tell a story about a man. Pick a name, the name is irrelevant, ok lets go with Dwight. No correlation to the office. So, Dwight is hanging out at home with his roomate, let's call him Moze. It was a lovely afternoon and Moze had just cooked up himself a wonderful lunch and had taken his pans off the stove and thrown them in the sink. Dwight needed to get something from their cabinets above the stove and headed into the kitchen not knowing that Moze had just whipped up some of his famous beet casserole. So Dwight went into the kitchen and tried to reach over the stove to get to the cabinet, but was just short of being able to reach what he needed. So, he had to place his hand on the stove to get that extra little lift to reach the back of the cabinet and he placed his hand on the burner that Moze had just cooked on. Dwight let out a blood-curtling scream and looked down at his hand to see a fresh wound perfectly imprinted into his palm from the ring on the stove.

Now I know what you're thinking, how old is this stove and Dwight is an idiot. Now I want you to reevaluate your statement and reread the first paragraph. We're not talking about a stove from todays day and age. We're talking circa 1930's farmhouse, exposed elements, no warning lights, could be used to heat your house type of stove. Not only was Dwight mad at Moze, but he was also angry at the stove. He cursed the stove out. Yelled at this inanimate object that had caused him so much pain and anguish. Yet, in a weird way, when you think about it, the stove is binary. We push a button, turn a dial, and the object responds. It only knows one set of statuses, black and white, on and off. In an almost complete and opposite way, humans are not.

Over the coming days Dwight was still extremely mad at the stove. His wound had begun to scab, but the memory of the pain was still fresh. He would meander through the kitchen and mutter a slight curse word under his breath, or give the side a swift kick as he meandered throughout the kitchen. A few weeks passed and his anger started to subside. He started to see his hand become more and more normal again. His wound was changing, returning back to normal, or what his new normal would be. Over the coming months he actually became humorous, would make small jokes about the stove or give it a flinch and laugh. Eventually all that was left of that encounter was a memory and now a slight scar, residing on that palm that he placed on the stove.

I think that our lives and things that happen to us can be like this moment. Bad things will happen, suffering will come, people will move in and out of your life. Sometimes for a long time, sometimes for short. Sometimes you'll get small cuts, scrapes, and bruises. While others will completely test your will and grit while leaving you with a gaping hole. I think when we do get those tragic wounds or those large cuts to our emotions/soul (whatever you want to call that non-physical side). We often feel a wave of emotions: anger, hurt, pain, sadness, depression, solitude, etc... And when you’re in that moment all you can ask is why? Why me? Why now? Whats the reason? This didn't deserve to happen. In those early days, just like Dwight, you are mad, you yell at the stove, you curse, you freak out, you cry, you find yourself being alone, not wanting to be with people. Because in those moments we're so close to the pain, to the incident, to the suffering that all we can do is lash out or be mad or sad or all the waves of emotions. We’re too close to the incident. Everyday we see that open wound and feel those feelings. As time goes on though we can begin to look at those wounds and be thankful, be understanding, hold space and compassion for those wounds. Yet, it takes time. It takes separation. It takes healing for that scar, cut bruise, to begin to return back to “normal”.

I don't think that time heals all wounds. I don't think that we ever actually completely get over things, I think we just adapt to them. We change our perspective on them and our understanding of them. What I do believe are a couple things: everything happens for a reason and you are exactly where you're supposed to be, and second being nothing is guaranteed. When something bad happens It's hard to look at it and understand why this happened or grasping the meaning/lesson that can come from it. When we're in it we cant process those emotions and I do think time can help with that. The second piece of that is that nothing is guaranteed. As cheesy as that sounds and as dumb as it is that I have it tattooed on my arm, it's very true to me. Sometimes you could be doing everything right. You could be putting all the right pieces into place. You could feel like nothing could go wrong and out of nowhere it all falls apart. Sometimes with no reason or understanding of why, yet life keeps moving. Things keep happening around you and theres no way that you can understand why it would happen to you? Or why it went wrong? Everything was going so well, and it seemed like all the pieces were falling into place?

Yet the thing is we have to keep moving. We have to pick up the pieces and keep stepping forward. We have to get back to the semblance of "normal" or whatever that new normal is. Because while its hard to keep moving and keep going forward, in my mind there isn't another option. You have to keep striving to get better and striving to live and do the things that you believe in. No matter what, nothing lasts forever. To know that we have this moment right now, compounding, until it's all done. Nothing is guaranteed, everything happens for a reason. When we're in the heat of the moment it's hard to understand and it's hard to want to go on. Win the day. Take it moment by moment. Keep moving forward, stay in the fight.

On purpose,

Matt