Safety

We live in a world where people are constantly finding a balance between the known and unknown. Striving to separate our perceptions into relevant and irrelevant, while mostly focusing on irrelevant. Our systems and culture are in place to help ensure that as well. I was finishing a new lecture from Jordan Peterson and the concept of living in safety came up. Let me explain.

To demonstrate this idea JP talks about two things to which I will reiterate in a bit longer version, as well as using more of my own voice. To begin he talks about houses. We, in our culture, have this idea of having an individual house built in order to protect us from the elements, but also to protect us from potential threats. These threats could be other people, animals, etc… the main point being that we have a building in which we know every nook and cranny. We can write our house off as irrelevant because of this. It’s the feeling of safety we find in the things we know. Similar to when you go on a vacation and the first thing you do when you get home is drop your bags and fall onto your bed. Hitting your goose down comforter like something out of a movie or a laundry detergent commercial while also simultaneously releasing a sigh. Your house will remain in this “irrelevant” category until one night, you wake up to hear a creak in a floor board coming from your dark hallway. And now that hallway you often tumble down to take a pee in the morning, has become the same threat as a full grown velociraptor in your living room, until you explore that stimulus (creak in the floor) to ensure that it is actually safe. We are constantly in a battle of ensuring we control our incoming stimuli. Tony Robbins makes a joke once in a lecture about surprises and how we only want the ones we actually want and that are good for us. We are seeking this net of safety to ensure that we can control these stimuli. We do the same in our relationships.

So, Tommy and Suzy decide that their friends Joe and Nancy should date. So, they force them along on a double date and things go well. Fast forward 4 weeks and now they’re dating. 1 year later and they are madly in love. 3 years later they have broken up, Joe cheated on Nancy one weekend in Florida when he had too many tequila shots with tha bois and he couldn’t resist the women of Miami. While this fictional love story is horrid the premise is this. At the beginning of a relationship everything is relevant. It’s an “80 headed serpent” (JPs analogy) of stimuli that are incoming. Eventually some of those details become irrelevant, the type of beer she drinks, the food she likes, her family life and story, if she respects your family, if you can trust each other, even if you love each other. It becomes a zone of safety. All of those things get put to the back burner because you no longer have to worry about them going wrong, until they do. Then they become relevant again. WHat was once a zone of safety becomes a place of fear and worry. You start to doubt, you start to question, the trust is now gone. Think about your first time meeting your significant others family to the 50th time. You’re not on edge, you’re not worried, it’s an easy process and transaction that you don’t put much effort into, yet these things can change in an instant.

Why am I telling you this? And who cares? Right. The point. It’s coming. Fear, something we’ve talked about in the past and rears it’s ugly head here again. Fear can keep us from doing things, can stop us from pushing ourselves, from not stepping out into the unknown. Stepping into the world of relevant. Dr. Peterson (yeah i’m formal today) tells a story of taking you from your current position and stripping you naked, throwing you into a helicopter, and dropping you into the Amazon Rainforest. He says EVERYTHING becomes relevant. You know no one, you know nothing, you have nothing, you will be in a constant state of stress for 48 hours before the leopard that’s been following you decides to attack you for a nice midnight snack. Now this is an extreme example, but the idea is this. We are all individuals and all have a tolerance for bringing things into the world of relevant. I often get asked how I travel to places and I do EXACTLY this method. Finding things that initially are relevant to me and making them relevant. Shelter, food, water, good coffee, good wifi, gym, peanut butter, etc… Until things become irrelevant again and I settle in. Our tolerances for these capacities is not the same and similar to any type of change we must seek the most tolerable amount of stimulus that we can handle for the determined time period. Otherwise we will live in a constant state of stress until our hearts explode or we have a mid-life crisis and buy a red sports car to try to solve our problems.

In your life, in your relationships we need to challenge ourselves. We can’t constantly sit in the world of the mundane until we decide to cheat on our significant others or leave a good job with a good company. Although, that may be the right solution for you ultimately it starts with finding this tolerance for yourself. How can you get uncomfortable just enough to know where your limit is for that day, week, month. It is what drives our society forward, it is what strengthens our relationships, it’s where great comes from. Strive for more, strive for stimulus, seek revlevant, and find discomfort.

On Purpose,

Matt

“Path of most resistance” - Nick Bare

“Nobody achieves anything great by being happy and cozy.” - Alex Honold