Fear
You know, one of the the things I find to be most true in the world is that we are what we do repeatedly. How fear ties into that is an interesting idea, as I think the next few articles I write will revolve around this idea. Let's talk.
Fear. Defined as "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." You know the more I think about the question what is it that I am afraid of? What do I fear? What is my "greatest" fear? My mind moves from typical surface level things and instantly moves into the depths of my brain. This is often a question I ask other people as well to see similarities or differences in their reaction to the question. Some people answer with typical things like sharks, the dark, heights, etc... while other answers fall in line with things I may say, not disappointing someone, failing to show enough love, not succeeding on their terms, etc... So this broad definition of fear being that it is something likely to cause pain or create this unpleasant emotion where other negative emotions and feelings come into play. So, just like in any new skill attainment or when facing a daunting task it comes down to the aforementioned, we are what we do repeatedly.
Let's talk an example from a lecture with the man JP (jordan peterson) who was talking about a person who was introverted trying to pick up a girl from a bar. This man had a fear of approaching girls and asking them out or even just talking with them. So, as a psychologist you work your way backwards from the initial threat or fear. Find the most amount of tolerable fear you can handle I.E., approaching a girl, No? Approaching a guy, No? Approaching a family member? Ok, then move to the interaction, how to open a conversation, how to carry a conversation, etc... breaking down each portion of these elements that then allow to have the most tolerable experience while also continuing to move forward. This methodology can be applied to more than your local bar, I think about this when looking at my own answers to the above question.
When I think about my deepest fears it comes down to this process, that I work through, but also a few other things. The first being control. What are the elements of this fear that I can control? That I can break down and embrace as a challenge to go against. How can I become better at handling that situation? That feeling? That element of the situation. If it's not something I can control should I fear it? As well as the next element that comes from Tim Ferriss, can you get back to where you were? Often times in the above situation with the bar the man fears rejection, fears ridicule, maybe fears social repercussion. Yet, in the grand scheme of the situation, does can he go on about his day a week from now without ever getting her name, or even ever having the potential to see that person again? Do we fear things that can be repaired? Fear things that we can come back from? Fear things that we should not?
Because (aren't you not supposed to start sentences with because? ) to me the thing thats missing from the definition is a key piece of this "fear" word and to be honest my biggest hate for the word, is that the fear of the negative repercussions from this someone or something comes before the moment of when we are "supposed" to be afraid. It stifles the actual action, it stops someone from making a decision or taking an action. So, we fear the potential of a situation rather than the actual situation itself and because of this never approach something new or unknown!! So, I guess what I want to end this rant/article/whatever on is this. If you have something in your life you're looking to change, looking to confront, looking to challenge. Then I implore you to begin the arduous process of breaking it down to your tolerable chunk to crush. Because we can't live in fear of a potential outcome, we have to focus on building our courage to challenge it. The goal isn't to make a safer place, the goal is to make braver people.
On purpose,
Matt
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but powerful beyond all measure."
